Lessons Learned Through Valentine’s Heartbreak
Last week, I was greeted by an email from my son’s school announcing the class Valentine’s Day party – scheduled for the end of the day on February 14, 2014. The email included a gentle reminder that should any child opt to bring Valentines, they must ensure every classmate is included. A thoughtful gesture, I thought. Yet, the email provoked a memory from my own 3rd grade days, 34 years ago. With Valentine’s Day’s annual arrival, I’m always reminded of this incident.
A Tale of Two Valentines
Before we get into my story, it is important to understand Valentine’s Day can evoke a whirlwind of mixed emotions for a grade school child. On one hand, there’s the excitement of celebrating love and friendship with classmates, exchanging heartfelt cards, and indulging in sweet treats. The anticipation of receiving tokens of affection from peers can create a sense of joy and anticipation. However, amidst the festivities, there may also be feelings of vulnerability and uncertainty. For those with secret crushes or unrequited feelings, Valentine’s Day can be sad and stressful. Nevertheless, Valentine’s Day presents an opportunity for school children to learn valuable lessons about empathy, kindness, and resilience.
Valentine’s Day Crushing
Throughout most of grade school, I had an immense crush on KB. Come Valentine’s Day in the 3rd grade, I found myself wondering whether KB would finally acknowledge me and perhaps even gift me a Valentine. This was the only way I could envision an interaction with her. Despite my attempts to catch her attention, by walking past her desk countless times, she persistently ignored me. Nonetheless, I hoped that Valentine’s Day might bring a change in our “relationship”, perhaps, just perhaps, she would open up to me and express her affection.
Our Valentine’s Day class party was in full swing. After distributing all my Valentines, I returned to my desk to read the cards I received. Suddenly, KB stood before me and in an annoyed, almost irritated tone, said “here” and handed me an envelope. Not exactly the interaction I was looking for, but the mere fact she acknowledged my existence was amazing. Anxiously, I tore open the envelope and eagerly began reading KB’s card. At first glance, we were off to a great start, it said “Happy Valentine’s.” But there was more writing! I was surprised. For a split second, I thought KB expressed some type of affection towards me. But, as I read on I became confused.
I read the card again and again. It said something about “picking up your snot rags.” Confusion… the words seemed entirely out of place. I read and reread her message, trying to make sense of it. Then, in a sudden flash of realization, it dawned on me.
As a child, I grappled with severe allergies. Each week, I endured allergy shots to combat my symptoms, which included relentless sneezing and a constant need to blow my nose. My mornings would start with dizzying bout of sneezing. The remainder of the day was not much better. I had to keep a Kleenex box by my side all day.
My teachers instructed me to hold onto my used tissues until a designated break, to prevent classroom disruptions. Fair enough. However, one fateful day, my third-grade teacher publicly referred to my tissues as “snot rags.” I really don’t think she had any ill will by it. But, she kept doing it. Apparently, KB had not ignored everything related to me.
Sitting at my desk amidst the buzz of the Valentine’s Day party, I was devastated by KB’s message. Why would she write such hurtful words? Was she deliberately being unkind? Part of me entertained the notion that perhaps she may have feelings for me, but concealed them with the “snot rags” comment, fearing ridicule from our classmates.
I was so hurt, I was not sure what to do. I decided to seek guidance from my third-grade teacher. After all, it was her who introduced the word snot rags to our class. I stood up and walked to her desk. Handing her KB’s card, I awaited her reaction. I will never forget her face. It was a split second, but I saw her expression transforming from curiosity to surprise and then shock. Looking back, while I think she was concerned for me, she was much more concerned for herself. She promptly assured me she would address the matter. I returned to my desk dejected and silently awaited dismissal.
As my mother picked me up from school that day, I kept the incident to myself. I was too embarrassed to tell my mother about snot rags and the incident. I don’t think I have overcome the incident.
The Takeaway
Having experienced a hurtful incident during childhood, I can take that experience and use it to ensure a positive teaching experience for my son and daughter. Right now, I explain to my son how small actions or words can have a big impact on others’ feelings. I encourage him to always consider how his words and actions might make others feel, and emphasize the importance of being kind and considerate towards everyone – especially those who may be facing challenges.
I hope his Valentine’s Day is pleasant.