Rectal Purification and Enlightenment
God Dionysos granted the wish of King Midas, allowing the King to turn anything he touched into gold. While I have never been granted a wish by a mythical Greek God, I was given life changing advice from a family friend that involves a special touch. This advice has resulted in me cleaning my bum in a way allowing me to reach rectal purification and enlightenment. I may go as far as saying, I have reached rectal nirvana.
The Advice
Before I get into the advice, let me tell you about the man who gave it to me – Walid. Walid is not a Greek God, but is one of the most interesting men I have ever met. He is a contractor, herbalist, chemist and bee keeper/honey producer. While he is running electric wire through your ceiling, he will tell you about the chemical compounds about every food in your pantry. He has even been approached by several large pharmaceutical companies interested in licensing his home-made serums – however, he refuses to divulge the ingredients. So, generally speaking, when Walid gives health advice, I listen. When I mentioned my rectal woes to Walid, he had advice. He looked at me and said, “Next time you are in the shower, take some all natural saboon soap,[1] rub it all over your finger and stick your finger in your butt and twist until it is clean. You have pores in your ass and they can get clogged. You have to properly clean it. You then wash it out with water using the same method.”
It is Life Changing
Was this a joke? I had so many questions. First was, how deep? He showed me on his finger what looked like a fingertip. Walid promised to bring me a bar of Saboon soap – of course, he makes the soap at home. Walid came through and I tried his recommendation. The first try was a bit uncomfortable and I had a mild burning sensation. But after that, I reached anus euphoria. Don’t just take my word for it.
One night, I went out for drinks with a friend and I recommended the bum cleaning process to him. Several days later, I get a text saying, “I tried your recommendation. Life changing.” Yes, it is.
Don’t get too carried away if you try this. Just remind number 2 who it works for.
Not Medical Advice
Let me remind you that Walid is not a doctor. I am not a doctor. And this is not medical advice. If you look up reasons not to use soap on your anus you will come across the following points.
- Irritation and Dryness: Soaps, even natural ones, can be harsh on the delicate mucosal lining of the rectum. They can cause irritation, dryness, and even damage to the sensitive tissue.
- Disruption of Natural Flora: The rectum has a natural balance of bacteria that are important for its health. Using soap can disrupt this balance, potentially leading to infections or other complications.
- Microabrasions and Injury: Using your finger to clean the rectum can cause microabrasions or small tears in the lining, increasing the risk of infections or discomfort.
- Allergic Reactions: Even natural soaps can contain ingredients that might cause allergic reactions or sensitivities, leading to itching, swelling, or rashes.
- Unnecessary Practice: The rectum is self-cleaning to a large extent. Regular bathing and cleaning the external anal area with water and mild, unscented soap is usually sufficient for hygiene purposes.
- Risk of Infection: Introducing soap and fingers into the rectum increases the risk of introducing bacteria or other pathogens, which can lead to infections.
Can't Stop, Won't Stop
With all that said, I am now hooked. During every shower, I make sure to properly clean. Now that I have reached rectal euphoria, there is no going back.
[1] Saboon Baladee (also known as “baladi soap” or “traditional soap”) typically has all-natural ingredients. This type of soap is traditionally made using olive oil and sometimes other natural oils, along with water and an alkali substance, usually sodium hydroxide (lye). It does not contain chemicals like almost all soaps you will find on the market.