A Modern Day Version of the Boy Who Cried Wolf That All Can Learn From
We are all familiar with Aesop’s fable The Boy Who Cried Wolf – the boy in the fable falsely claims a wolf is attacking his flock of sheep multiple times and the villagers eventually stop believing him. When a real wolf appears, no one comes to help, and the boy suffers the consequences of his dishonesty. There is a modern version of the story, where instead of a mischievous shepherd, you have a loving and good intentioned wife. And instead of sheep, there are throw pillows, candles, clothing and random kitchen gadgets. This modern-day fable is known as the Wife Who Cried “I bought this, but I am going to return it!”
The Familiar Words “I bought this, but I am going to return it.”
The story always begins the same way. A husband spots his wife coming home with a shopping bag, or notices one tucked in the corner of the bedroom, or even catches an Amazon delivery on the Ring camera at the front door. A foolish husband inquires about the contents of the bag and is instantly met with those familiar words: “I bought this, but I am going to return it.” We have all been there – see number 9 on the 10 Things I Hate About You list.
Much like the boy who cried wolf, the first few times she says “I am going to return it,” there is false hope. A husband may even be foolish enough to ask logical questions “[i]f you knew you were going to return it, why did you buy it?” or “[w]hy did you bring it home just to have to return it?”
But time passes. Days or weeks. The clothes, pillow cases and/or a lemon squeezer in the bag remain, untouched, tags still dangling like a forgotten New Year’s resolution. The bags may even be banished to the “return pile,” a mythical corner of the closet where items go to disappear forever.
Then a further inquiry is made, “I thought you were going to return those?” “Oh, I am,” she replies confidently. “Next weekend for sure!”
The Return That Never Comes
Here’s where the story takes a turn. On the rare occasion she does leave the house with an intended return in hand, and a husband foolishly allows himself a glimmer of hope. “This is it,” he thinks. “She’s actually following through.”
But much like the villagers who came running to find no wolf, a husband is disappointed. Because when she comes back, she’s not empty-handed. Oh no, she’s carrying more bags.
A perplexed husband inquires, “I thought you were returning stuff?” Only to hear his excited wife exclaim, “I did! But then I saw this cute top…and it was on clearance…and technically, the money I got back covered most of it.”
“Most of it.” The husband feels like the villagers hearing the boy yell “Wolf!” again. Not sure whether to laugh, cry, or accept that the wolf (or in this case, the heart shaped ice cube tray) has won.
Now, if Aesop were alive today and married, he’d probably rewrite the moral of his fable. Instead of “Don’t lie or people won’t trust you,” it would be something like “Don’t expect returns, just embrace the clutter.”
Because at the end of the day, her cries of “return” aren’t about deception—they’re about intention. She truly intends to return those items. But between life, distractions, and the magnetic pull of the clearance rack, the mission always goes sideways.
The Modern Moral
I suggest making your peace with it. Much like the villagers probably learned to live with the boy’s antics, one can learn to live with the never-ending carousel of “maybe returns.” It’s part of her charm, really.
So, to all the husbands out there living their own version of The Wife Who Cried, I Bought This, But I Am Going to Return It, take heart. You’re not alone. And if you ever feel overwhelmed, just remember: at least you don’t have to keep watch over sheep and decorative vases.
Dedicated to A Bower.