Sports Should Be About Fun, Not Parental Drama
As a parent, I am new to the youth soccer club scene. Previously, I expressed my concerns about club soccer – writing about my experience with a soccer club and how it felt like a racket. Unfortunately, it is becoming clear that overzealous parents are ruining the fun of sports for children – especially in club sports. Recently, I witnessed a disturbing incident that confirmed the countless stories about parents sabotaging youth sports are, unfortunately, true. The good news is no one got shot.
The Incident
We arrived early for my son’s soccer game to give him time to warm up with his team. As the boys warmed up, there was a game nearby being played between what looked to be 8 or 9-year-old girls. The girls’ game concluded and my son’s team began to pack up to move on to the field. All of a sudden I hear a woman yell, “Are you fucking blind. Do you even know what’s going on?” She was standing next to a girl who had just finished playing – I can only assume the woman yelling was the mother of the player. Her abuse was directed at a referee – he looked like a teenager. The referee just looked at the woman and didn’t say word. The woman continued complaining about the “missed hand ball calls” and asked the referee if he was “fucking blind.” The referee didn’t react and the woman and child soccer player went on their way. I have to give credit to the teenage referee for not reacting – he acted like a mature adult.
I glanced at my wife and then at a few of the dads from our team, shaking my head in disbelief at what I had just witnessed. One of the fathers pointed out that this wasn’t a recreational league, and some parents get carried away. Although the incident didn’t directly involve me, I couldn’t shake the feeling of discomfort it left me with. As I continued walking, I noticed the teenage referee chatting with another official, both of them sharing a laugh. Maybe this has happened to them before? Or, maybe this was so crazy they saw the humor in how nutty the situation was? I did not see the humor in a young referee being verbally abused and assaulted by a parent.
Thoughts
Youth sports are generally intended to be fun. While competition and skill development are important aspects, the primary goal is to foster a positive and enjoyable experience for children. Participation in youth sports provides opportunities for kids to learn teamwork, discipline, perseverance, and sportsmanship, all while having fun and staying active. For many, the joy of playing and connecting with teammates is the main reason they get involved, and it’s crucial for coaches, parents, and organizers to keep this in mind to ensure a positive environment for young athletes.
What I’m witnessing on the sidelines is parents who think they’re supporting their kids, but are actually shouting at their children, coaches, and referees as if it were Game 7 of the NBA Finals. Mind you this behavior has been prevalent since my son first started playing recreational soccer. In his first year, with a recreational league at school – age 4- emails were sent to parents of children participating in the league, reminding them to keep their behavior in check, even asking them not to yell things at the kids like “push him or her” and to treat the referees with respect. It’s unbelievable, and sadly, I don’t see it getting any better anytime soon.
My perspective is that parents often see their child’s early talent or skill in a sport and immediately believe they have a shot at a Division 1 scholarship. This leads to a sense of hysteria among many parents. I hope they realize that, eventually, puberty will hit, and other kids will catch up physically, shifting the competitive landscape. Additionally, many young athletes will burn out or become frustrated with the pressure of being pushed into a particular sport. Parents are placing immense, often unnecessary pressure on their kids—both directly and indirectly.
I’m committed to not forcing my children into a single sport year-round. I’m also doing my best to avoid falling into the trap of becoming an overzealous sports parent—though I recognize that I did seek out a competitive club for my five-year-old. Still, my focus now is on teaching the values of teamwork, learning how to win and lose gracefully, and, most importantly, ensuring they have fun along the way. Hopefully, there will be a recognition that parents are ruining some youth sports before it is too late.