The bittersweet feeling of knowing my son no longer needs me to help him take a shower
As parents, we cherish every milestone in our children’s lives. From their first words to their first steps, each achievement is a testament to their growth and a reminder of the fleeting nature of time. Some milestones appear to come out of nowhere, but should have been expected all along. The milestones appear unexpected because we become so accustomed to the routine of caring for children, that we either can’t or don’t take the time to remember how things were different before. So, recently, when my wife told me that our son had showered by himself, without assistance, I experienced a moment that was both joyful and tinged with sadness. It was another reminder of how quick he is growing and how abruptly cherished routines come to an end.
The Joy of Independence
It happened when my wife and kids were visiting my in-laws. I was not there for one week. When my wife returned, she shared the news. My initial reaction was one of pride and happiness – but there was a hint of sadness. My first words to her were, “I have to give him just one last shower.” My wife comforted me, but let me know it was not necessary. While I relented, I let her know I had to watch my son shower to “make sure he does it right.” And that is what I did.
At his next shower, I just stood in the bathroom, this time with the shower glass door separating us, and I watched him shower. For him, it was just a shower – joking around, scrubbing his body, talking to me about Mario Kart. But, I was sad and it took everything in me to let him shower without my help – I just kept thinking, “I can’t believe this is happening.” I was not ready for our shower routine to end so soon or abruptly.
Our son, who relies on us for so many things, was now able to take care of himself in yet another way. Showering independently is more than just a task; it’s a sign that he is growing up, learning to manage his own needs, and becoming more self-reliant. This moment was a clear indicator that he was developing the skills he would need to navigate the world on his own.
The Bittersweet Goodbye
As the initial pride settled, I couldn’t help but feel a pang of sadness. Showering my son had become a ritual – a time when we could connect, laugh, and share stories. Also, a ritual filled with shenanigans and frustration. But, no matter what, it was a time when I could still protect him, guiding him through the simple tasks of washing his hair and rinsing off the soap. These moments were a reminder of his childhood, of the time when he still needed me in the most basic of ways. Showering alone was a significant step in his journey toward independence, yet it also marked the end of a routine that had become a cherished part of our daily lives.
Now, as he steps into the shower on his own, I’m acutely aware that this is just one of many rituals that will eventually fade away. There will be other milestones, other moments when he no longer needs my help—tying his shoes, riding a bike, driving a car. Each of these will bring a mix of emotions, a blend of pride in his growth and a longing for the days when he was small enough to fit in my arms.
Embracing the Future
While it’s natural to feel a sense of loss as our children grow up, it’s important to remember that these moments are a part of the journey. Our job as parents is to prepare them for the world, to equip them with the tools they need to succeed. And while it’s bittersweet to say goodbye to certain routines, it’s also incredibly rewarding to watch them thrive.
As I reflect on my son’s ability to shower solo, I realize that this milestone is just the beginning. There will be many more moments like this, each one a testament to his growing independence. And while I miss the days when he needed me to shower him, I know that this is a sign of something much greater—a bright future where he will continue to grow, learn, and become the person he is meant to be.